Qatl karney key bad mard aik bar Phir pachtaaney laga… Mujhey Kosney laga…. Mairey liye issey takleef-deh bat oor kia ho saktee hay.. keh who Pehhley ki tarah ab bhee mujhey hee is Gunah ka Mojib karaar dey raha hey…. Ab bhe who Shaitaan ki Bajayee Mujhey is ka Zimmeh-Daar Karaar day raha hey….IBLEES ka aik oor War kam-yab ho gaya tha………..

issBaar bhe ghalatee mairi nahe the Magar is Bar bhee main nay ALLAH sey bohot Tobah ke…. Sirf ALLAH sey toba hi nah eke… Balkeh Mard sey bhe Mafee mangee.. Nateeja kia hoa…ALLAH ney mujhey maaaf kar diya or Mard key Dil main Parney wali Girhon main aik oor ka izafa ho gaya !

isskey Bad sey Zindage mairey liye kabhe bhee Asaan nahe Rahee Mard ney Mairey liye hatt-al-Makdor mushkilat kharee ken.. Jee Bhar kar Zaleel or Ruswa kia…. Apne har Ghalate ki Mairey Zimmey Lagata raha,, or main har bar.. yehhi soch ker hairan hoti rahee keh Apne ilm ki takat ko istemal kewn nahe karta ?? har bat ko Mairey Sar kewn Mandh daita hey.!!!

KHUDA ney isko Zameen per Hokomat kerney key liye bhaija tha… or isney Zameen per hokomat karney ki bajayee SIRRF mujh-per hokomat karma Apna FARZ samjha or ye hokomat ussney har ROOP main kee ,, wo Baap ka Roop ho ya Baytay ka !! Bhaye ka Roop ho ya Shohar ka !! har roop main ussney mairey liye Zindage ko Mushkil tareen bana diya..

Mairi wo sari khobiyan jo issko kabhee pasand then AB wo inka Mazak uraata hey.. Mairey har Roop main ussey Khud-Gharzee or Bay-wafaye Nazar ati hey.. usska Khiyal hey keh AGAR mujhey kissi cheez sey dil-chaspee hey to who Ropaya hey or ye Ropaya usskey pass hey issliye wo iss-sey mujh samayt maira har Jazba Khareed sakta hey….

Main hairan hoote honk e who kayssa Khaleefa or KHUDA ka nayeb hey jo aysey kam kar raha hey jo KHUDA ko Na-Pasand hain….

Kissi Dour main mujhey ye Fakhar tha keh Mujhay aik ayssi makhlok key liye chuna gaya jo KHUDA ki Pasandeeda tareen hey Magara b ussi Makhlok ko daikh ker main sochtee hon ke kia ab bhee ye makhlok KHUDA ki Pasandeeda tareen hey???? Maira Fakhar or Ghoroor ka who Jazba bhe khatam ho gaya hey…

Duniya main or koye Makhlok nahe hey Jissney Mard ki mairey jittne Khidmat or Ata’at kee ho or Duniya per Koye Makhlok ayssi nahe hey Jiss-sey Mard ney mairey jittne Naffrat ke ho..!!Main ney usski Ata’at or Khidmat main apney Wojod ko mitti bana dala hey…Magar isskey Ba-wajod wo Mujhsey Khush nahe hey….issi khidmat or Ata’at key Josh main Main ney usski Zimm-e-Dariyan bhe Apney Kandhon per Laini shoro kar dee hain or aaj main ney Mard key Hissey ki aadhey sey Ziaada Zimm-e-dariyan apney sar lay lee hain…. Sirrf isskey liye ke WO aram or sokon sey rahay magar isskey Ba-Vajod wo Khush nahee Mujhsye Aram or sokon hasil karney key Ba-Vajod wo Mujhey Bay-Kar or Hakeer samajhta hey or sirrf yehhi nahe mairi Tehkeer key liye wo Nat-naye Alkabaat mujhey daita raha hey isska Khiyal hey key

“Zameen per Honey waaley HAR jhugrey main MAIN kissi na kissi tarah shamil hon”

wo Yee bhe sochta hey keh “ AGAR MAIN Zameen par NAA aati to Ziaada Behtar tha ! Zameen per Honey walay Fasaad mein Bohot kami aa jatee…"

Maira Khiyal tha ke wo kam-az-kam aik MAAN key Roop main to mairi izzat karey ga kewnkeh tab usski takhleek main Maira kirdar bhi shamil hota hey magar aysa nahe hoa !! Maan key Roop main bhe ussney mairii kissi Khidmat or Ata’at ko nahe saraaha…balkeh tab bhe inn cheezon ko apna hack hi samajhta raha BAYTA ban kar bhe wo mujhay Nakis-ul-Akl cheez hi samajhta raha…..

Mairi Mohabbat or Shafkat ko wo mairi Kam-Zoori hi samajhta raha… Bayta ban kar bhee usskey Khiyal main Main kabhee bhe Bay-Wafaye ki murtakib ho sakte hon or Tab ye usska FARZ ban Jaata hey keh wo iss Khata per mujhay Katal ka dey AAp ney aysi kitnee khabrain parhee hon ge jinmein Baytey Mamooli si Khata per MAAN ko mar daytey hain MAAN ban ker bhe mujhey isski zindagi key barey main koye Faisla karney ka Hak nahee !!

kewnkeh usskey Khiyal mein MAIN faysla karney key Kabil nahe hon..or aap mairi Mohabbat ka aalam daikhain ke main MAAN hotey hoaye bhe Baytee ka hak cheen ker ussey daiti rehtiihon.. Bachpan sey Jawani takk har cheez mein ussey baytii per tarjeeh daiti hon Ache Khorak sey achey Libass takk har cheez ussi ka hak bantii hey or main to us wakt bhe ussey Rokney ki koshish nahe kartee jab who apne Behen per Haath uthata hey ya ussey Jhirakta hey ,.. Bayti key sath har cheez main Bay-insafi kartee hon or ye sab aik Mard key liye kartee hon…iskey Ba-Vajod isskey liye kabhe ehmiyyat ikhtiyar nahe kartee… who sari Umr mujhay emotionally Blackmail karta rehta hey..

Or Behen key Roop main bhe wo mairey sath yehi karta hey…. Mujhper Hakmiyyat Jataney ki koshish karte rehta hey…har muamley mein mujh sey Qurbaani chahta hey… or isskey Ba-Vajod bhee aik Mamooli shak ki Bina per wo mujhey Qatl karney say nahe chokta…. Tab bhe ussey maira Koye Eesaar koye qurbaani yad nahe rehtii….

Or Phir agar wo Baap ho to tab bhee mairey liye usskey Usolon or kawaneen mein Koye fark nahe parta… kissi Zamaney main who mujhay Payda hotey hoyee Zameen main ZINDAA garh daita tha… usska Khiyal tha keh mujhsey Nijat Paney ka ye Behtareen Tareeka hay PHIR usney ye tareeka chor diya or kuch naye tareekey apna liyee usski hamaysha yehi koshish rahee hey keh main usskey Gharr main Baytii key Roop main kabhe na aaon… or agar bad-kismati sey aysa ho bhe jayee to wo Bachpan mein bar bar mukhtalif tareekons ey mujhey jatlaata rehta hey keh usney apney ghar mein rakh ker mujh per kitna bara ehsan kia hey tab bhe wo is par iktifa nahe karta…..Baytey ko mujh per tarjeeh daita hey ussey har chez mein mujh per Fokiyat dayta hey

Main Bachpan sey Baap par Jan nisar karte rahi hon… Usskey ghar main aaney say lay kar janey takk main bhag bhag kar usska har kaam karti rahe hon…. Sirrf Mohabbat ki aik Nazar or Shafkat sey Boley gaye chand Lafzon key liye……. Magar ussey Kabhe iska Khyal nahe aaya … Wo mairi Poori Zindagi ko apney Tareekey say Guide karma chahta hey.. or main sirrf usski Khushi key liye har Bar apna dil Maar laytii hon ,, Magar phir-bhe Khandan ki Ghairat per anay wali Zidd key Shubah per wo Kabhe bhe ,Kahhen bhe mujhey Qatal kar sakta hey or is Kaam par koye usska Haath nahe rokta balkeh har koye isski himmat barhaata hey….

Or AGAR main usski Beevi hon to phir to Shayed Mard ko Mujh per Zulm karney ka Liscence mil jaata hey..Aik orat jissey uskey Tasarruf main diya gaya hey.. Wo AAkhir ussper Zulm kewn na karey… Soboh sey ly kar Raat tak kee janey wali mushakkat ka nateeja Aksar wo Alfaz hotey hayn jo mujhey Bohot KUCH sochnay par majbor kar daitay hayn….

Mard hamaysha ye samajhta hey keh MAIN Gharr main reh kar usskey Kamaye janey waley Ropay-Payssey per Aish karte hon…. AAP sochain keh kia Ghar key Andar reh kar aish ho sakta hey??? Wo sochta hey keh Duniya ka Mushkil tareen Kam ropiya Kamana hey…or yeh mushkil kaam woo karta hey Ooorat Nahee…Wo to sirrf us Ropay ko Bay Dardi say Kharch karma Jantee hay ,, Magar jo cheez wo Kabhe nahe sochta wo ye hay ke main who Ropiya kisper Kharch karte hon… Uss ghar main jismein wo Rehta hey,..! Un Bachonper jo uski Olad heyn… Us Khorak per jisey who istamal karta hey .. Bevei key Roop main usey har tarah sey Khush rakhney ki koshish karte hon Magar wo Khush nahe hota .. Naraz ho to aik Dosri Orat ko Mairi Jagah day daita hey… Dosri Shadi ker key bhii bohot Khush ho too bhee Bahar wali Orat ko Meray samney Zarooor Sharek rakhta hey …

Ajeeb Bat hey na Wo Orat sey Na-Khush hey … Ussey Orat Bay-Kar or Hakeer Lagte hey …. Usey Orat Bay-wafa Lagte hey ,.. Ussey Orat Bhooki Lagte hey…. Ussey Orat Fasaad ki Jar Lagtee hey….. Magar Phir bhe who apni Zindagi main Orton ko Tabdeel kartey Rehnay ka Aadi hey… or Jitne Ziaada Ortain hon wo utna hi Ziaada Khush hey …. Mairi Bay-wafaye per mujhey Qatl karney main aik Lamha bhee Zaaia nahe kata magar Tawaeef ke Pas yeh Jan’ney key Ba-wajood jaye ga keh who Bay-Wafa hey….ye Jantey hoye usper Paysa Kharch karey ga keh who Ropey ki Bhookee hey….Ajeeb Bat hey na?? Magar SACH hey !! kiaa itne Na-Kadree uniya main kisi or chez ki ho sakte hey???main agar iski nahe to iskey Bachon ki WafaDaar Ban jaati hon…. Adhe Zindage Mard ki Ata’at main Barbad kar daitii hon… bake ki zindagi Olad ki Khidmat mein …Uski Olad ko Bhok sey Bachaney key liye mujhey Ghar sey Bahar nikal kar Sarkon per ana parta hey… Mard tab bhe maira Mazak Uraata hey… mujh per Awazein kassta hey… usska Khiyal hey ye bhi Maira aik Dhong hey ap khud sochain keh BHOK kabhe DHONG ho saktii hey?? Or Bhok agar bachon ki ho to phir? Rizk kamanay ka kam ALLAH ney Mujhey kabhe nahe soocha …Mard ney ussey bhi mairay Zimmey laga diya…

Phir Rizk kamaney key liye ussney mujhey tawaa-ef or Call-Girl tak bana diya.. baytii ban kar main ney bhaiyon or bap ke liye apni zindagi zaiya kee.. Maan ban kar pori Umr ka Jog bhe liya .. magar kahen bhi mairi koye Qurbaani aysi nahe hay jisko mard nay saraha ho… ussney mairay har Roop ko us image key samney khara kar diya jo uskey zehen main feed hey ….

Duniya ki kissi makhlok ko itna bay-kadar nahe kia gaya jitna mujhey kia gaya… Duniya key kissi dosri makhlok ney apney kandhey per itni Zimm-e-Dariyan nahe Uthayeen jitney main ney uthayen… main nay Chewntii sey barh ker bhi Bojh uthaya.. Olad ki Paydayesh sey parwarish..Mard ki Khidmat-o-ata’at .. or ghar sey bahar tak ka kam mujhey karma para hey or main nay kiaa hey iskey BaVajod mujhey saraha nahe jata ..Mard ki khushi key liye main nay khud ko apney Makam sey Giraa diya phirbhe wo mujhsey Khush nahe …..

Payghambaron ki Maan honey key BaVajood mujhey Na-Kabil-e-aitabar samjha jata hey …..

Duniya main Koye aysa nahe hey jo mujhsey khush ho..hatta keh ALLAH bhe .. magar mainkiskey samney apne safaye paish karon .. Mairay pas to koye wazahat ,koye safayee hay hinahe….

Main Aksar ye sochtee hon aakhir mairi Zindagi ka Maksad kia hey ,,, kia sirf dosron ko aram-o-sokon daina or Dosrey badley main mairay liye kia kartey heyn??? Or Tab mujhey ALLAH sey shikwa hota hey keh usney shayed wakaye mujhey itna haker bana diya ke Zameen par Mojod insane ko mairi kadar hi nahe hey Magar Shikwa karney say Aakhir kia hota hey ..Shikwa karney say ALLAH ki narazgee main oor izafa ho jata hey…

Aap hi soochain kia koye makhlok mairay jayssi hey jo na chahtey hoaye bhe har aik ko Naraz karte phirey Magar aakhir aap bhe kewn soochain gey..!!!!.. OORAT key Barey main koye soochta Thora hi hey…